you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he thought i was a dude.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
