she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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