I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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