Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
