marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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