Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
my shit smells like andre
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
