He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
