you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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