Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize