You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
