Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
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I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
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Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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