Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Randomize
