you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
