Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
