They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
birth control should be required to get into college
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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