I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
