the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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