Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
