Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.