Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis