i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid