my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?