She is in my trunk
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
