I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
