can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
