Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
