I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
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Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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