Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Even my vagina gasped.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
