I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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