I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
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I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
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the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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