I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
