totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize