Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
