Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
