i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize