Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
