I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
