every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
