I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
