Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
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