I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
