But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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