I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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