Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
