Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
