Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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