So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
