Whod you bang
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
