That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
