I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
