I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
