the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
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Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
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just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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