remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
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I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
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We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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