Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
