I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
