I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
