she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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