dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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