My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
