Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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